Self esteem is not a built-in human quality but rather a learned behaviour which can be altered with conscious decisions and actions. Good self-esteem builds a solid foundation for life, encouraging children to foster a sense of community spirit and good social skills.

It takes a consistent effort along the journey of childhood for parents to help their young charges develop a true sense of their own strengths and weaknesses in order for them to gain the confidence and their abilities.



Children see themselves through their parents' eyes; so its important that we as parents promote the positive rather than focus on negative messages and images.

Children who have healthy self esteem are more likely to be happy cooperative and successful at school and make friends easily. They are fun people to be around not only as they are eager to learn and share but because they also have the understanding that they do not need to make another person feel small or bad about themselves in order for them to be confident.



Good self-esteem enables children to try new things without too much fear of failing, to reach out and make friends, and to manage problems they are likely to meet along the way. Opportunities to build self esteem are readily available within the plethora of activities and past times available within our society, so long as the activities are positively supported by parents and caretaker.

Messages which encourage children's self-esteem include:

• Telling your children you love them and what specifically you love about them
• Taking a genuine interest in their day and their discoveries
• Allowing children to be responsible for varying activities or things as they grow.
• Demonstrating that you value their input in a conversation.
• Keeping your word and promises you have made with them.
• Congratulating them on their efforts in all areas of their life.Spend quality time with them
• Celebrating all accomplishments they have endeavoredFocusing your eyes and face on them while they are talking.
• Promoting the idea that every member of the family has different skills and abilities.

These messages build children's self esteem as they focus on them as people, giving them a place within the family structure and having expectations over responsibilities they hold. If their parents see them as special and lovable and go on to show and tell them this often, children will develop positive self-esteem.

If they keep getting messages that they are not lovable or a nuisance, they will not so easily develop good self-esteem. Arguably all parents wish for the best for their children.

Sadly however, most play out the same ‘tapes’ or parenting patterns that their folks had rolled out and instilled, without even being aware of it. It is here that the same patterns and lessons are repeated.



Fortunately, we have each moment to make a different decision. Undeniably it is a challenge to parent children in a different way than you have been brought up. Conscious parenting sees you making specific decisions about the way one reacts and interacts with the members of the family.

• Messages which may damage children's self-esteem include:
• Ignoring them while they try to talk to you.
• Not taking an interest in their day or issues.
• Messages which do not separate the behaviour displayed and the child. (ie you are a naughty/ bad child)
• Messages that say something negative about them as people, eg. "You are...lazy, untidy, a nuisance, a bully, shy, a sook....."
• Comparing them with others, especially siblings.
• Messages which indicate that your life would be better without them, eg. "If it weren't for the children we could have a good holiday" or "I wish you hadn't been born.
• "Threatening to leave them if they do not do as you tell them to.
• Messages that lays on blame them for situations or events where they have no control.(i.e their birth, their parentage, their looks)
• Frowning (even if it is because you are concentrating on something else) while you are looking at them and they are telling you about their day.
• Messages that say you do not like the child, eg. "I love you, but I don't like you."

Obviously it is a fine line between completely surrounding your day with the needs of your children and balancing a family existence for all members of the family. However children who receive plenty of praise and encouragement feel good about themselves and are more likely to be supportive and positive with both siblings and playmates.

A child who believes their parents have confidence in them by allowing them to do certain things by themselves, will learn confidence and then be more willing to try new or different pursuits or activities.



Children with higher self esteem are more likely to succeed and generally cope with stress more effectively.

Ultimately by instilling a sense of self within your children you are arming them with tool of success as they progress into adulthood.